They Don't Want a Coach, They Want a Consultant

"Just tell me what to do."

I hear this more often than you might think. Sometimes it's said directly. More often, it's implied through body language, frustrated sighs, or the pointed question: "Well, what would YOU do in this situation?"

It's one of the most challenging dynamics I face as a coach. The tension between what clients say they want (coaching) and what they actually want in the moment (answers). And here's the uncomfortable truth: Sometimes giving them the answer feels like the kind thing to do. But it's rarely a helpful thing.

Why Smart People Want to Be Told What to Do

The clients I work with are accomplished, intelligent, capable people. Many of them are executives, leaders, or high-performers who've succeeded precisely because they're good at finding answers quickly. They're used to efficiency. They're used to results.

So when they bring a challenge to a coaching session, their instinct is to treat it like any other problem: identify it, get expert input, implement the solution, and move on.

From their perspective, I should have answers. I've coached dozens of people through similar situations. I've seen what works. Why wouldn't I just share that and save us both time?

It's a reasonable question. And it reveals a fundamental misconception about what coaching actually is.

Coaching Is Not Efficiency—It's Capacity Building

When I work through the GROW model with a client, the Goal isn't just to solve the immediate problem. It's to build their capacity to solve this type of problem themselves, repeatedly, in various contexts, long after our coaching relationship ends.

If I tell them what to do, I've solved today's problem. If I help them discover what to do, I've increased their capability to solve tomorrow's problems.

This is why the Reality and Options stages of GROW are so critical. When we slow down and explore what's really happening, what they've already tried, what's getting in their way, what resources they have access to, we're not just gathering information. We're developing their ability to think systemically about challenges.

When we generate options together and I resist the urge to champion my preferred solution, they develop ownership. They become invested in the path forward because it came from them, not from me.

The Coach's Dilemma: Knowing vs. Withholding

Here's what makes this challenge so difficult: Often, I do have ideas. I've seen similar situations. I know what's worked for other clients. And when I watch someone struggle to find their way forward, every instinct tells me to help by sharing what I know.

But there's a difference between withholding help and creating space for discovery.

I'm not playing games or being deliberately obtuse when I ask, "What options do you see?" I'm genuinely curious about how they're thinking about the problem. Because here's what I've learned: The answer that works for them might not be the answer that worked for someone else. And even when it is the same answer, they need to arrive at it themselves for it to stick.

The moment I offer my solution, I've subtly shifted the power dynamic. Now they're wondering if they should take my advice. They're second-guessing their own instincts. They're looking to me for validation instead of trusting themselves.

When Telling Is Actually Coaching

There's nuance here that's important. I'm not suggesting coaches should never share information, expertise, or perspectives. There are absolutely moments when direct input is valuable:

• When a client lacks information, they need to make an informed decision

• When they're operating under a false assumption that's blocking their progress

• When they explicitly ask for my observation or feedback about their approach

But even in these moments, I'm careful about how I offer it. "Can I share what I've seen work in similar situations?" is different from "Here's what you should do." The first offers a data point for them to consider. The second takes away their agency.

What This Means for Organisations

If you're bringing coaching into your organisation, it's worth preparing your people for this. Coaching will feel slower than they expect. It will feel less directive than they're used to. They might initially be frustrated that the coach won't just tell them what to do.

This is actually a good sign. It means the coaching is working.

The leaders who get the most from coaching are the ones who can tolerate the discomfort of not getting immediate answers. They're the ones who can sit with ambiguity, explore their own thinking, and trust that discovery is more valuable than efficiency.

If your culture values quick fixes and immediate solutions above all else, coaching might feel like a poor fit. But if you're trying to develop leaders who can think critically, navigate complexity, and make sound decisions independently, coaching is exactly what you need.

The Shift I Watch For

There's a moment in most coaching relationships when something shifts. The client stops looking to me for answers and starts trusting their own judgment. They stop asking "What should I do?" and start saying "Here's what I'm thinking—what am I missing?"

That's when I know the coaching is working. Not because they've solved their problem, but because they've developed the capacity to solve problems. Not because I gave them answers, but because they discovered they had the answers all along.

That shift is what makes coaching different from consulting, mentoring, or advising. And it's why, even when it would be faster to just tell them what to do, I rarely do.

The Bottom Line

Clients don't need another person telling them what to do. They're surrounded by advice. What they need is someone who believes they're capable of figuring it out themselves, and who will create the space for that to happen.

That's the work. And it's harder than it looks.

Have you experienced this tension—either as a coach or as a coaching client? How do you navigate the desire for answers versus the value of discovery?